sadbear clubbers

Sunday, April 17, 2005

-Jo-
sorry chris, i hoped i am not too harsh on u when we are talking on the phone. after reading the post and talking to u, i understand what u mean, and why u are doing so. maybe it is just the best for both u and chantelle (sorry if i spell wrong). me too wan to wish her all the best. may The Lord be with her and her baby. and just hope she can go on with her life n not to hold on something that is not hers too tightly. as woman, i really understand hw she felt, and really understand why is she doing this. i will pray for her too.... coz i cant help her, as i am not her fren, so the only thing i can do is to pray for her and her baby.

i am feeling very sad and moody....juz felt really sad. maybe i think too much, or worry too much.... sometimes, i will think, what is God's feeling when He sees us like this. what is He feeling rite nw when He sees chantelle like this. what is He feeling rite nw when He can foresees a country full of life, full of future, ruined in people's greediness? what is He feeling when i didnt go to church todae juz bcoz i wanna finish a few last episodes of the vcd i am chasing nw.

my future is so bleak... i cant see well in my future....what is true nw may not be true few yrs later...it may disappear right after i type finish this blog. what may seems to be there may not be there anymore.... someone who seems to be ur best fren nw, may be juz a stranger seconds later... a happy family may be what u see nw, but who knws what happen? it will be broken when u least expected it to happen. what may seemed safe may not be tml. what may seemed secure, is not tml. ur house may be safe, u may go out in the night and not afraid of any crimes happening on u, but. who knws what happen tml? who knws what happen after todae? maybe tml, when u open ur eyes, the world u see is gray.

my worst nightmare is to wake up and see the world all gray...not black and white, but gray. i have many nightmares like this...and wheneva there is a storm and things started to look gray, i will be very scared... i pray that the day will not come, as long as i am alive.

sometimes at night, when i look out of the window and stare at the peaceful city, with cars lights zooming once in a while. i wonder, will hw long can all these peace last? hw long can we continue to sit here, eat, sleep, sing, study without a fear of terrorist, without a fear of someone pointing a gun on ur forehead, without a fear of our safety depleting day by day. hw long more can we continue to go church, go yf, without the fear that at the midst of our prayers, policemen and terrorist will start to stomp into the house and demand arrest?

i hope one day i will not go bongus thinking bout stuffs like this.

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JoFsl winks
at |9:31 PM|

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